


If Only

by naryenfer



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2019-10-07 07:22:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17361530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naryenfer/pseuds/naryenfer
Summary: You can't have something you never had.





	1. Lost love

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to post something.

The hardest part was losing her before she could tell her how she felt.

It was more "borrowed " than have. You can't lose something you never had.

Alex knew she lost her but she didn't want to stop feeling what she felt.  
She didn't want to let it go.

It's hard to stop something when you don't know where it begins and ends.

Whatever she felt seemed right.

It gave her hope that she'd have a wife;a child;a family; a life.

It gave her the strength to thrive; to live; not just survive. 

If only she could turn back time.

She wanted to keep that love close. To nurture it , to let it grow and blossom.

They say you have to treasure love when you find it.

She couldn't call her hers when she barely had her.

It was a night to remember; engraved in her mind and sealed in her heart.

Feeling something so deeply beautiful and being scared at the same time; it was worth it in that short time.

It's too painful to look at her now, knowing that someone else is calling her theirs.

Someone else making her theirs; a jealous rage fills her heart.

 

She should've told her right there and then but the words didn't come out.

" I love you" ,three simple words so profound  
and yet so difficult for her to voice out.

She was light but she left darkness.

She was colour but she left grey behind.

She took Alex's heart and she left a void.

Alex Danvers was in love with Lena Luthor.


	2. To mend a wounded soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I wasn't going to add a second part to this. I had written something ages ago and it goes well with the theme. So, there you go.

Her heart is no more than just a void that she left behind.

In the darkness of her despair and in the realm of her confusion; the pain is indescribable.

There is no sense in what held meaning; she was light and it is gone.

She lives in a darkness that consumes her every waking moment, burrowing itself to the pit of what used to be her soul.

Death does not want her and yet it is what she seeks; take her she pleads.

Tear drops blinds her; the anguish she feels when she sees that empty bed, that empty house and her crumbling life.

Happiness is no more and it's just her, her bleak existence; barely living.

She stands in the pouring rain, she lets herself get lost in the moment, and she finds the peace that she needed so dearly.

Each rain drop carries a message; a message of hope which heals her wounded soul.

Tears of a lost love she cries; she is down but she will rise.

She will love again.

Tears of hope,she smiles; it gives her the strength to carry on.

Happy memories consoles her heart.

Tears of anguish she begs; please mend her broken heart.

It is the beginning and not the end.

Tears of sadness, she wishes; oh please, take her to the place where that light went.

She looks up at the sky and she smiles.

She knows that her prayers will be heard.

She knows what she has to do now.

Alex Danvers will fight for the love of Lena Luthor.


	3. All is lost

She has nothing else - no one but herself.

she laughs like a crazy woman. Not happy laughter.

It's the kind that comes with tears and guttural screams.

She tries to breathe as she hyperventilates. 

Breathe in for 4 - hold for 2 - exhale at 6.

Whiskey glass in hand flies across the room and hits the cracked wall.

Liquid spills and glass shatters.

She curses underneath her breath as she stumbles on the empty bottle on the floor.

" I have nothing left", she sobs uncontrollably. 

She can't love someone if she doesn't know how to love herself.

She's unlovable and not good enough. That is what she believes. A lie drilled in her head by Lillian years ago.

It's fucking exhausting to be her : to be the all powerful Lena Kieran Luthor and yet she is so fragile, so broken inside.

How do you rescue yourself? how do you become unbroken?

Alex deserves the best. Someone to love her deeply with no reservations:someone who will be her partner, her friend and her home.

She lets herself drop to the floor, phone in hand.

She dials Alex's number, she wipes her tears and clears her throat.

" You mean nothing to me. Stay away from me".

She hangs up; heart breaking into a million pieces.


End file.
